Something really Unnecessary

Its really unnecessary whatever i am going to write now..but if you read..i might like it...

I am going through a pretty hard phase of my life..which is quite clear from my previous posts..I just pray to Allah that He gives me the strength and power to stand this ordeal..and i start facing myself again..yes its not something i am fighting to the outside world..its something within i am struggling to get over...and i hope sincerely for it to get over.. I cant see people around me trying hard to make me feel good..their trying make me weak..it makes me feel as i am still being selfish by not answering their persuasion to be happy....I really want to...

But a battle with your own heart is the most difficult battle to win..you know your enemy so well that you often forget by which side and for whom you you are fighting..you play from both sides...and so you lose half the battle even if somehow you manage to win the other half..the victory will not be satisfying because a part of you will fail...Your failure is so pre-written...nothing works..no weapons..no strategies...you cant hide..you cant run..you cant bow and you have to stand the whole battle...no matter whatever it takes..

I am fighting one..

But God has been kuch zyada hi merciful and in such a horrible time too he has blessed me with two very rare species of homo sapeins to stand by me..the only two people who are there with me in all situations...My two best friends..My mom and my only true friend....don't know whether i should write the name also....They listen, they advice and at times they shout and pretend they have left me...but then they come back..knowing i am too weak to stand....they are my strength...where else will i find people like this...

In all this i am trying to do away with some small petty things...first is the blog template..its too complicated..and i want my life too look a bit simple even if it just the blog...enough of mess is already there which i am not able to clear....no more mess on blog..

I am trying to give a new name to the blog..The old one is good...but may be ..i think it should find a way in the above list....i have thought of "THE 19th PARAGRAPH" with the caption" ..of my life.. Fact, Fiction, & Everything in Between"..

there are two reason to chose this name...first i am 19 so the para thing (Yes! its going to be changed every year at my b'day)...

second..i deleted the other blog so all the mess which i intend to create on blogger will find a place only under this present url....and so the caption is not only suitable its classy too :)

If you have better ideas please let me know :)

I don't know what is going to happen next..coz life's train has suddenly taken a hilly route and i am afraid...hope the changes will help me survive...and yes the blog is not the only thing i am trying to change...Its mainly ME whom i am trying to change...

I need to grow up..and i think what they say that knowledge comes with experience is somehow right..I think this is how i am going to learn..the painful way...but atleast an enriching route to light...