The situation

You know of the situations....when you look up at things...and they are messed up....fully, completely, totally..

and the reason they are so is somehow you...your selfishness..your whims...your needs... your attitude... your wrong decision... your meanness... your childishness... your inconsistencies...

and you know of people whom you have hurt like anything....when you actually never meant to do that..when your nafs controlled you...rather you controlling your nafs...and when you are sorry to the mortals as much as you are sorry to your God....

when you wanna go back in the time..and rub the whole past....the past being long enough to result in such a big mess...when you know nothing NOTHING in the world shall make things right....

when the things you have been hiding..the things which prove how weak and selfish you have been...those things which bear a proof of your wrong doings...those things which shout so loud that you shut your eyes rather than your ears in order to ignore them....the things which bear enough evidence that you no longer deserve to be human...because you have never acted like one before....

when you are sorry...but you know that that its the smallest thing you can do..that your sorry is of no use to anyone..when you wanna go and die..but you know you are weak again...when you wanna hide..but you know you cant run from realities...when everything is crystal clear...but you dont want them so..

when you are sorry..and you cant say or convey so....when you know this is what you ever deserved in exchange of your doings....but still somehow..somehow you want the things to be right..perfect again..

but this time not for your selfishness or your good..but you want them too be good for those people whom you have hurt..and who have suffered because of you..knowingly or unknowingly...when you are ready to compromise everything to see them happy..

And yet you don't find a way...

Have you ever been in such a situation??? Or is it just me??