Sunday, November 22, 2009

Something really Unnecessary

Its really unnecessary whatever i am going to write now..but if you read..i might like it...

I am going through a pretty hard phase of my life..which is quite clear from my previous posts..I just pray to Allah that He gives me the strength and power to stand this ordeal..and i start facing myself again..yes its not something i am fighting to the outside world..its something within i am struggling to get over...and i hope sincerely for it to get over.. I cant see people around me trying hard to make me feel good..their trying make me weak..it makes me feel as i am still being selfish by not answering their persuasion to be happy....I really want to...

But a battle with your own heart is the most difficult battle to win..you know your enemy so well that you often forget by which side and for whom you you are fighting..you play from both sides...and so you lose half the battle even if somehow you manage to win the other half..the victory will not be satisfying because a part of you will fail...Your failure is so pre-written...nothing works..no weapons..no strategies...you cant hide..you cant run..you cant bow and you have to stand the whole battle...no matter whatever it takes..

I am fighting one..

But God has been kuch zyada hi merciful and in such a horrible time too he has blessed me with two very rare species of homo sapeins to stand by me..the only two people who are there with me in all situations...My two best friends..My mom and my only true friend....don't know whether i should write the name also....They listen, they advice and at times they shout and pretend they have left me...but then they come back..knowing i am too weak to stand....they are my strength...where else will i find people like this...

In all this i am trying to do away with some small petty things...first is the blog template..its too complicated..and i want my life too look a bit simple even if it just the blog...enough of mess is already there which i am not able to clear....no more mess on blog..

I am trying to give a new name to the blog..The old one is good...but may be ..i think it should find a way in the above list....i have thought of "THE 19th PARAGRAPH" with the caption" ..of my life.. Fact, Fiction, & Everything in Between"..

there are two reason to chose this name...first i am 19 so the para thing (Yes! its going to be changed every year at my b'day)...

second..i deleted the other blog so all the mess which i intend to create on blogger will find a place only under this present url....and so the caption is not only suitable its classy too :)

If you have better ideas please let me know :)

I don't know what is going to happen next..coz life's train has suddenly taken a hilly route and i am afraid...hope the changes will help me survive...and yes the blog is not the only thing i am trying to change...Its mainly ME whom i am trying to change...

I need to grow up..and i think what they say that knowledge comes with experience is somehow right..I think this is how i am going to learn..the painful way...but atleast an enriching route to light...

13 comments:

fatin said...

salam gul.....once again very beautifully portrayed thots...ups n downs r part of evry 1's life...but sabr se kaam lena chahye..n u hve done it well..the best of a person's ability cums out in the worst of the situations n surely it has worked 4 u gul :):)....ur not only learning...ur earning too...

oops...m not talking bt earning liquidty...ur earning xperience...ur earning abilities..skills ( as in developing these)...n these r real-life assets..which never doom :):)

so finally lambe se bhashan ki chhoti si baat...never get depressed....never say die..just drop in n say hii...:):)

keep smiling dear...may all ur sorrows get washed away soon

An Ordinary Gal said...

"But a battle with your own heart is the most difficult battle to win.."

so true...i was also going from the same phase some days ago but now i have convienced myself...don't worry we are in that age where we have to learn so many things about life. now we have step out in the world of reality from the world of Dreams and this is all the part of GROWING UP...do have postive attitude about urself...have faith in God...everything will be alright :)

●๋•guℓѕнαn●๋•™ said...

@fatun

walekum salaam

i hope it enriches in some way :) thnx 4 d encouraging words

●๋•guℓѕнαn●๋•™ said...

@ordinary gal..

yup GROWING UP....sometimes i miss the innocence and freedom of childhood :(

~PrIncEsS nUcHu~ said...

I read me.. once again!!! But, I fight with myself.. I keep everything to me.. Scared that my heart will burst.. but, even more scared thinking that my loved one will leave me, if i tell what i have in my heart.. *sigh*..

I wish God give me one more chance to be born to have a whole new life :((

●๋•guℓѕнαn●๋•™ said...

@Nuchu

God gives us many a chance...and the biggest remedy he has provided us is the time....all wounds heal when time works...

Dont worry baby...i ll pray that things get better and easier for you...

As far as loved ones are concerned...no matter whatever you say or whatever you do....your loved one ll continue to love you for who you are...and i think honesty might clear up your doubts...be honest to your loved ones...

Thats all i can say....Life goes on...dun worry

fatin said...

the beauty of life is dat it keeps on changing phases...darkness n light.....day n nite..summer n winter...dry n wet...these shades keep us going n fighting always.

Allah taala never gives us more pain than our bearing capacity ..wid each challenge comes a comparatively higher reward which v realise later on..

●๋•guℓѕнαn●๋•™ said...

Ya true Fatin..God is the most merciful...I hope he forgives me and i can receive glad tidings on the way ahead of me..

fatin said...

yup ofcourse....these situations r more like a test of ur bearing abilities..

cupidslunatic said...

the exact same position i was in a few months back.. fighting the inner battles.. You'll survive...

U know, i did the exact same thing with my blog !!! simplified it... :)
it actually works...

Hope u get a simple n clear perspective on life as well in due time...

fatin said...

sharing ur sadness with others is definitely helpful in reducing ur stress

●๋•guℓѕнαn●๋•™ said...

@Fatin... tests...i know i am gonna survive them...because thats how the man kind is...but the pain...i just wish it leaves soon..

i am trying to share my sadness...it only gets miserable when there are few people around

●๋•guℓѕнαn●๋•™ said...

@Arun

i dunno Arun..at times i feel i ll survive...and at others..i feel lets just allow this thing eat me up...

i dunno what i am doing..

perhaps...giving TIME its time....